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Epic Novel Writing Workshop -- Structure for 500+ Pages
How to write a book that contains an entire world. We'll study structure, character management (I juggled 580 characters in War and Peace), and the art of the long form. This is not for short-attention spans. This is for people who want to build cathedrals.
Storytelling Masterclass -- The Serial Cliffhanger
Learn to structure stories that people can't stop reading. We work on chapter endings, pacing, character reveals, and the art of making your audience come back next week. I wrote A Christmas Carol in six weeks and it changed Western culture. Speed is not the enemy of quality.
Writing Workshop -- Finding Your Voice Through Humor
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter. I'll teach you to use it. We'll work on voice, timing, and the art of saying true things that make people laugh instead of cry. Bring something you've written. I'll be honest. Honest is all I know how to be.
Garden Design Consultation -- Creating a Painting Garden
I'll help you design a garden that's beautiful to paint, not just beautiful to look at. Color masses, reflection pools, arched bridges, seasonal bloom sequences. A garden is a canvas that grows.
Plein Air Painting Kit (French Easel + Oils)
Portable French easel, oil paints (Winsor & Newton), brushes, canvas boards. Everything you need to paint outdoors. I spent sixty years painting outside. The light changes every five minutes. That's not a problem. That's the point.
Orchestration Workshop -- Scoring for Ballet
Learn to write music that makes bodies move. I'll teach you orchestral color -- how a celesta sounds like falling snow, how a bassoon sounds like a grandfather clock. We score a dance scene from scratch.
Pleyel Upright Piano (1840 Replica)
Replica of the Pleyel pianos I played in Paris. Lighter action than modern grands. The tone is intimate, almost whispering. Perfect for nocturnes. Tuned to A=430Hz (period pitch).
Piano Masterclass -- Chopin Technique
Private piano lessons focusing on touch, pedaling, and rubato. I don't teach you to play loud. I teach you to play with feeling. Bring your worst piece -- we'll find the music hiding inside it.
Effects Pedals Masterclass -- Wah, Fuzz, Feedback
Wah-wah, fuzz face, Uni-Vibe, Octavia. I turned noise into music. I'll show you how each pedal works, how to chain them, and how to use feedback as an instrument. The Star-Spangled Banner at Woodstock was feedback, distortion, and the sound of a nation tearing itself apart.
Fender Stratocaster (White, Left-Handed Strung Right)
A right-handed Strat strung upside down for left-hand playing. The reversed string tension changes everything -- the tone, the bending, the harmonics. This is why I sounded different from everyone. It's not magic. It's physics and stubbornness.
Piano & Vocal Arrangement Lesson
I arrange entire orchestras in my head, note by note. I can't see the sheet music -- I hear it. I'll teach you to arrange a song for voice and piano, then add horn lines, strings, backup vocals. Start simple. Build. Every arrangement is architecture.
Custom Guitar Building Workshop
I'll teach you to build a guitar from scratch. Cigar box, plywood, whatever you've got. Electronics, pickups, wiring. The rectangular guitar I played on stage? Built it in my garage. You can build yours in mine.
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