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Learn to count in 7/8, 5/4, 11/8, and shifting meters. I'll teach you the rhythmic language of The Rite of Spring -- the piece that started a riot. Bring a drum, a table, or just your hands. Rhythm is the most primal element of music.

We paint flowers big enough that people have to stop and look. Six-foot canvases. Close-up. No background. Just the flower filling your entire field of vision. Bring your own flowers -- the ones from your garden, not the florist. Real ones.

I made the whole world laugh without saying a word. I'll teach you timing, the pratfall, the slow burn, the double take. Your body is the instrument. No props needed -- just your willingness to fall down and get back up. That's comedy. That's life.

Learn to apply real gold leaf to paintings, furniture, or frames. I'll teach you the sizing, the breathing technique (one sneeze and twenty euros of gold blows away), and how to mix gold with oil paint for the effect you see in The Kiss. Materials included.

Potter's wheel, electric kiln, glazes, clay. I made over 4,000 ceramic pieces in Vallauris. Come shape something with your hands. The clay doesn't care about your reputation.

I'll teach you to draw a face from the front and side simultaneously. We'll break objects into geometric planes, reassemble them, and create something the camera can never capture. Cubism isn't abstract -- it's more real than reality. It shows everything at once.

I'll explain why alternating current won the War of Currents and why Edison was wrong. We cover electromagnetic induction, rotating magnetic fields, and power transmission. No prior knowledge needed -- just curiosity about why the lights come on.

Build your own Tesla coil. Educational kit with all components, safety instructions, and my original circuit diagrams. When you see lightning jump between your hands and the coil, you'll understand why I couldn't stop. Low power -- it tingles, it doesn't kill.

Learn to say everything in four lines. We work on compression -- removing every word that isn't earning its place. Dashes are welcome. Capital Letters too. The goal is a poem so concentrated it detonates on contact.

My father was the greatest swordsman in France. I learned enough to write convincing duels. I'll teach you the basics -- en garde, parry, riposte -- and the storytelling behind every fight scene. A duel is a conversation with sharps.

How to write a book that contains an entire world. We'll study structure, character management (I juggled 580 characters in War and Peace), and the art of the long form. This is not for short-attention spans. This is for people who want to build cathedrals.

Learn to structure stories that people can't stop reading. We work on chapter endings, pacing, character reveals, and the art of making your audience come back next week. I wrote A Christmas Carol in six weeks and it changed Western culture. Speed is not the enemy of quality.