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We write stories that are puzzles. Stories where the form IS the content. A detective story that is also a metaphysical treatise. A book review of a book that doesn't exist. I'll teach you to write fiction that makes the reader think they are dreaming while fully awake.

I play in fifty different tunings because standard tuning bored me. I'll teach you DADGAD, open D, open C, and my own tunings that don't have names. Different tunings make the guitar a different instrument. One guitar, fifty voices.

The essay is the most dangerous literary form because it requires you to think clearly and say what you mean. No hiding behind characters. No hiding behind metaphor. Just you and the truth and the page. I'll teach you to write sentences that change the temperature in the room.

Full set: driver, 3-wood, 5-wood, 4-PW irons, sand wedge, putter. Bag with stand included. Good enough to play 18 holes, not so expensive you cry when you shank one into the lake. Return them clean.

Grip, stance, swing, follow through. I don't teach you to hit it far. I teach you to hit it straight. Consistency beats distance every time. Just like Albert Kenel said: do it right or don't do it. Clubs provided.

Small structure demolition, concrete breaking, site clearing, grading. Ideal Excavating. We break it down clean and leave the site ready to build. No mess, no shortcuts. Albert Kenel's son doesn't leave a messy jobsite.

Kubota KX91-3, 3.5 ton mini excavator. Rubber tracks, extendable arm, multiple bucket sizes. Perfect for residential foundations, pool digs, drainage work. I'll deliver it and show you the controls. Break something? Call me. I'll fix it.

Full socket set, wrenches, screwdrivers, pliers, voltage tester, pipe wrench, hacksaw. Metric AND imperial because we're Swiss-Canadian and we work in both worlds. Everything in its place. Return it the same way.

Plumbing, electrical, mechanical, whatever. I've been fixing things since I could hold a wrench. Albert Kenel taught me: don't stare at it, fix it. Bring the broken thing. I'll tell you what's wrong in thirty seconds and fix it in thirty minutes.

Visit my collection of retablos, ex-votos, and Judas figures. Then paint your own retablo -- a small tin painting of a miracle or survival. In Mexico, we thank the saints by painting what they saved us from. What has life saved you from? Paint that.

I'll teach you to rewrite. And rewrite. And rewrite. Hallelujah took eighty drafts. That's not failure. That's craft. We start with a feeling, turn it into an image, then carve it into a verse. Bring patience. This is a slow art.

Everyone has a story that needs telling. I went mute for five years and then I couldn't stop talking. We'll work on memory, honesty, and the courage to write the parts that scare you. Those are the parts that matter. Bring nothing but yourself and something to write with.